And life goes on

Ok, so its been a long while since I have updated on here.


So this is life as it happened over the past 2 months. 

End of August, my sister got married, and on the way up for the wedding, massive stuff happens where it leads my mother inlaw (who i was living at) to say its time for Brandy and I to leave because there is too much going on and now its involving the kids in the whole drama of matt.

So I found a place for myself and Brandy and I are seperated. I moved out the Labour day weekend and now its been a month that I have been on my own.

In the process of all this, I have had some great friends and someone special helping me along the way to making me stronger.

Unfortunatly, the childish side got to both me and this someone and I cut all ties without thinking, and a massive arguement insued. 

I really want to keep talking to her, but i know its not possible anymore. 

So now all I have to look forward to is the hockey season starts tomorrow, so I will have me and my leafs but alone. I feel so alone right now, I have my friends that live too far away and I have my family which also live too far away, so I'm all alone in this city. 

I have very few things to look forward to now, at work, we have our annual Sales Conference up in Collingwood which will be a great time (I hope) and then the weekend after, it's Canadian Thanksgiving, so I'm going up to my moms and then going to my sisters new inlaws place for a massive family dinner that weekend.

I guess I have hockey and more hockey to entertain me for this winter, and maybe see if I can find myself and who I am, since everyone I talk to, knows me as a different person and different from how I used to be pre marriage. I have to find that Sterling again.

I promise that I will keep this a little more updated as time goes on and new things in my life emerge. 

Until then peace out and Go Leafs Go

1 comment

and the world turns around

ok so it's been over a month since i last posted.


Man where does time go?

Anyways so much has gone on since my last update. 

Brandy and I are still not together, and I am moving out probably in October and things seem to be interesting with us right now. One minute she's acting like she wants to be to alone, and other times, she acts like she wants to be with me.

So where does this leave me? I don't know, in the past couple of weeks, I'm feeling like I'm distancing myself from everything.

Well in the mean time, I have found an awesome girl. Her name is Chrissi. She's simply amazing. She makes me feel special and very happy. I haven't felt like this in a very long time. Since about the time Brandy and I first started talking and met.

She's a little interesting, she's got a very unique personality that I love and I want to get to know more of. She was on a mini holiday last week/this week and we spent time on the phone and pinnig eachother. 

There's a bonus to her as well, she lives down in Phoenix, and anyone that knows me, I have been wanting to go down there forever and retire down there. Could this be reality in the future for me?

I'm sitting on the fence with everything, there are days when I want to be with Brandy, but there are some very big repercussions with that, and one the major ones is Brandy doesn't want to have any more kids. This is huge for me. Plus I'm game for spending time away from eachother within reason, and I highly doubt Brandy would use common sense to make the right choice of fixing things between her and I and maintaining them vs her coming back to me, and then get together again and then fix everything up, and then when everything seems fine, to leave me hanging all the time.

As you can see, there are a bunch of negatives to Brandy and I staying together, but there is something there that I want to see and see how it plays out but I'm seeing that there is much better out there, and I do deserve to be happy all the time, not just when its convenient for the time.

Anyways I just thought I would give an update.

Post a comment

Kaboom (and not in the good way)

ok where to start?


I don't even know, so if your reading this, your brave.

ok, so I'm not husband of the year by any stretch of the imagination. I was a very sweet guy, got walked on a lot because of it, and over the course of the past 5 years with Brandy, I started to stand ground and it backfired. I went from a sweet, caring guy to asshole of the year. This is me talking, not what has been fed to me by Brandy or anyone else. 

I was just finishing school at Humber College and Seneca college, and met Brandy online. We hit it off, talked for hours each night, bla bla bla lol, she lives in Guelph, and lived in Richmond Hill (an hour a bit away from Brandy), anyways I still talking with my ex gf and I said a bunch of stupid things that weren't true, but trying to glorify myself and I lied about things that I did on my travel to see Brandy or coming home from Brandy's as I took the greyhound, I made a bunch of stuff up, just see what my ex would say or do. 

Well, that was really really stupid, Brandy had come to visit me for a change, and I don't remember exactly what happened, but Brandy had read something in a conversation and it sparked a huge fight. She thought I was cheating on her and i thought it was over then. 

She must really have loved me, because I couldn't prove I did do or didn't do anything, she gave me the benifit of the doubt. In the mean time, she was sending pics of her pussy to a few guys and again, I must have been in love, cause we got past it.

Fast forward, I finished school, and moved down to Guelph, no friends, a decent job, and Brandy and the kids. Me and the kids started off really fine.

But as time progressed, I went from living on my own down here, to us living together here at her moms place, and then moving out on our own just before we got married.

This is the turning point, living together should have been the indicator that there were problems. I missed home and my friends and I'm a huge computer nerd and spent way too much time in front of it. I neglected the kids and Brandy, but we still got married, and things seemed to have gotten better.

That was until Brandy lost her decent paying job, and we were forced to move back home with my mother inlaw. 3 parents in this house is bad. I slacked off, and when I decided to become a parent, it was to disicpline over stupid shit.  Brandy started to pull away slowly.

Her and I talked before we got married, and she expressed that she always had male friends in her life, that was fine, cause I always had female friends. But she kept making new male friends and it made me start to think of what was going on.

So my mother inlaw is your very typical mother inlaw that loves to bitch and chomp and feed and bitch some more about things. This led me to become the asshole I have become. I got to my mother inlaws level and became a huge douche. It's clear, I'm not happy here in Guelph, the people here are interesting to say the least, so making friends that are clean looking, and decent, and not party goers from the University are hard to find. So I got more miserable.

So by this time, I became a major douche to my step son, Chase, who loves conflict and loves to pick at me until I snap, and when I snap, I snap and its no holds barred. Which is really bad when you say the things that you do to a little boy, I swear I should be jail for the stupid shit I have said. 

Hopefully you can get beyond this, I'm a good person, I'm just hiding. 

So this situation where my step son doesn't care if I'm around or not, has drove Brandy to the edge, over the years, she has told me to stop and fix what I have done, but everytime I try to fix, something new comes up and back to square 1. 

So this leads me to the last couple of months. 

Brandy met this guy Matt, at work for like a day. Her only female friend was single, and found a guy she wanted to see, he brought a friend with him, and brandy's friend brought Brandy. Low and behold, it's Matt.

So Brandy and Matt start hanging out (he's just a baby compared to Brandy) and we find out, his baby momma is bringing a shitload of drama to everyone's lives.

Matt has a criminal record, and Brandy bailed him the first time, which I'm not a fan of at all, so she needed to see him more. And then more baby momma drama, as baby momma accused Matt of shit that he didn't do. 

Anyways it ended up in court again, and now brandy has to be pretty stuck to him 24/7 which is bullshit because she neglects house chores and other shit, just to be with Matt. So I get bitched out by her mom about everything, and I take it out on Brandy.

Which leads us to today finally. Brandy went into my email to see an email I told her about from my mom. Anyways being the stupid idiot I am, I received some emails that I hadn't deleted but were junk mail or stupid shit. So the fight was on.

Name calling, accusations being thrown, she's sleeping with matt (not true) i'm sleeping with all the girls on twitter (which i'm not, i'm just mouthy) and the final blows of maybe we need divorced. So that's where we are at right now.

I called my mom, I'm spending my holidays in Richmond Hill (after hangin with the guys) with my mom, and both Brandy and I are going to spend the week apart (our 3yr anniversary is on July 22nd) and maybe resolve things, but at this point, its very doubtful. 

So both her and I have a shit load of growing up to do. I doubt its going to happen. So at this point, her and I are seperated. My ring is off my hand. Her's isn't yet. 

Anyways this is long enough.

1 comment

FUCK ME!!!!

ok, so the past 2 days have been hell 


Where to start! Thursday night, Brandy goes out for bit with one of her girlfriends, comes back, completely horny and yes we finally have sex. OMG, it was great lol. Friday morning, wake up, I get ready for a shower, and Brandy wants to join me. So we have sex again, this time in the shower (I have never had sex in the shower before). So the day is starting off great.

I get to work all happy, and then it goes down from there, first I have nasty foot in mouth decease. I pissed off a dear friend of mine, and it was me just being stupid. Oh well, one of these days I will learn, and my friend will come back to talk (I hope)

At about 5, my Berry goes crazy, I have 2 messages from 2 of my best friends, Jon and Brandon. Jon's first message was "Are you busy, I need to talk to you" So I call Jon, and this is the first time I have heard him cry, and him and I have been through hell and back with our lives. I find out, he's fiance of 3 months, just dumped him, they moved in together 2 months ago, and found out they just didn't click. So he then tells me to talk to Brandon. I was ya, I saw a BBM, whats up. He said you need to talk to him. 

Call Brandon, him and his girlfriend broke up. Apparently she's been cheating on him, and Brandon's a socialite and has a huge network of friends that he hangs around, and found out, his gf had cheated on him with one of his friends.
So this was a bad day.

So Jon and Brandon got shit faced and got a hotel room for the night.

Today, I go ahead, and meet them at Yorkdale mall in Toronto (a 45min drive) we hung out for the day, played some much needed frustration style street hockey at Brandon's place, I must say, I forgot how much fun it is, when you have 3 guys all very frustrated with life, take out the aggression. 

I get a call from Brandy, I need to come home ASAP. So i'm booting it home in 30min (remember at least 45min from Toronto to my place) find out, my damn mother inlaw is a nut job.

She wants to throw Brandy and I out and leave the kids here. Long story short, her and Brandy have joint custody of the kids as they didn't want dead beat dad trying to get them, and I'm the midst of taking the kids into joint custody with Brandy.

My mother inlaw said we are both pieces of shit, and we have sooo much shit to deal with, with our relationship, and with everything else, she told Brandy to get a job and told me I'm not a parent at all (long story short, Chase and I have a bad relationship, Tasha and I are great). 

Brandy took off, very upset, she went to look for a place for her and I for the night, I went for a long walk (almost 2hrs of walking), get a txt from my mother inlaw saying she wants to talk to us.

Brandy picked me up, and we came back home, and we talked with Brandy's mom, and finally after almost 2 hours of talking, we came to an understanding on a lot of things, now its hard to say if anyone holds their end of the deal, but I know I will be. Brandy has to be around with the kids more and needs to work on things with us more 1-1, my mother inlaw is supposed to be staying out of our business with our relationship, and I need to work a lot more with Chase and stop bitching so much when things get out of control. 

Everyone in this house is very hot tempered, and very extremely mouthy and its no holds barred. 

So welcome to FUCK ME

Brandy has since went to go see Transformers, and me, I'm sitting here at the computer, writing this, and waiting for the movie to end.

So this is my life. Welcome to it.

Post a comment

IMG00036-20090708-1905.jpg


Sent from my Crackberry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

IMG00036-20090708-1905.jpg
IMG00036-20090708-1905.jpg
Post a comment

Crash boom bang!

So here I am, sitting at work, everything all good, and it's getting really slow, and boom, outta nowhere, all of a sudden, I start thinking about my marriage, and how my life has been going in the past few years.

My marriage, it sucks right now, we are near rock bottom, and there is only so much I can do right now. As if you have read before, lots of changes to do, and thats both Brandy and I needing to change, and I do see we are changing. It's going in a good direction right now, we have both seen some big improvements already.

But there is something that is lacking right now, and that's a sex life. I haven't had sex for over a month now. Yikes. Actually I think its longer than that. And this has gone from having sex almost daily, to weekly, to a couple of times a month, and now over a month. Brandy says there is something going on with her that has her not wanting sex right now. She has openly stated that she has become depressed since she was laid off, and to make matters worse, she has been having bisexual thoughts. She is becoming me lol, in a sense, she has been checking girls out, and noticing a nice ass, or nice boobs. So this has her distracted and she doesn't want to have any sexual contact at all. She has openly told me that she hasn't even played with herself to get her self off since this depression/new sexual feelings.

So I'm lost. I'm sexually starving, and masterbating is only doing so much, we had a great sex life, trying new things and everything had passion, there is only so much passion your hand can give you.

So that's where this crash happened, just started thinking too much and boom, here I am lol

Anyways i'm going back to work

2 comments

So ya....

Today was a lot better then yesterday.


Essentially I spent the entire day yesterday at bail court getting our friend matt out. They tell us to be there for 945am, so we were, they didn't end up getting to Matt until 245pm. Oh well, anyways very long story short, he was being accused of extorting his baby mamma for sex and assualt. Baby's momma was forced to make these allegations as her sister wanted custody of the 8month baby. Baby momma finally ended up doing the right thing and telling the cops and crown (prosecuters) that he didnt do anything and it was made up to get the baby.

So Matt was free to go, and we were happy.

Brandy decided to spend the evening with Matt and a few others just chillin around, so I don't know, I was pissy and by the time brandy got home, I was not in a good mood at 345am. So we got into a fight.

Now we are doing better, we had a nice long chat, and everything is good now (for now lol) 

Work was boring, spent the day listening to the Michael Jackson memorial until Nobex RC decided to shut down the station I was listening to and reboot my phone, so then I did some work, and then chatted on BBM with a few people including a special someone ;) she knows who she is, she called me on it last night lol 

Then finally watched the first season, episode 1 of True Blood. I can see where all the hype is about this show, now will this compare and take over Dexter for me? Only time will tell.

Anyways i'm the midst of posting pics of Brandy's drawings up on twitter, so you can go see those lol

Have a great night and see yall later

Sterling AKA QuIcKsIlV3r

2 comments

What a day

So last night I went out with tom to see Transformers 2 and had a good time hanging out talking about our berries and the new berries coming out.

So anyways it was the late show, so I didn't get home until 145, picked brandy up from our friend jason's house, with his girlfriend there. So got home and chase had his friend over and they were hyper still lol. My mother inlaw was not impressed that they were so hyper lol.

So anyways Brandy and I talked for a bit, and I then turned to my berry for some chatting as I was still awake because of the boys lol.

Wake up at 10am this morning and the house is silent, the boys passed out with xbox controllers still in hand, brandy out cold, had some breaky, a shower, and now watching wimbeldon lol or how ever you spell it lol

Anyways lots going on for tomorrow, which I fill in later.

Is it bad that I have developed a crush on a certain someone? She is awesome, she's cute, and she understands the stuff I have been going through, and has given me great feedback on how to cope with everything, did I mention she's cute? Lol

Oh well, that's all for now. I will be posting later on

Cya everyone
Sent from my Crackberry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

1 comment

hmmm

It's Saturday afternoon and just kinda bumming around.


Brandy is drawing a new tattoo she wants, and I'm just chillin bored with nothing to do. I have no particular thing to write about.

I might be going to see Transformers again tonight. So if I do see it, my friend Tom and I will be chillin for a late night movie.

Brandy and I seem to be doing better. We sat in bed this morning talking and cuddling and trying to salvage our life together.

So ya, lots on the go this week, Monday is court (not looking forward to that, as this is for my friend Matt) and then work the rest of the week, and then into Toronto next Saturday for a few hours and ya, I'm sure I'll be updating this sometime this week.

Anyways going to go now, chase wants to play some catch (OMG)

Post a comment

Changes all around

Ok

So I'm sitting here at work and Brandy calls me, and she starts opening up some more about the problems she is having and to the degree that she is having problems with.

Shit storms galore. First there is her being laid off, she gets severely depressed. Which I know about, but she decided to let me in on a few other things.

So finally being armed with all the knowledge I have, it's time for some massive changes.

One thing I am horrible at, is I'm way too clingy. That's a insecurity issue I have, I got screwed over when I was dating in high school, and I guess I have never "fixed" things with my head and it's gotten way out of control.

So that's my first change, I need to learn to understand that when Brandy goes out, she doesn't have a mattress on her back ready to fuck/fucked by every guy that is her general area.

She finally made a very good point, and talking to people, some people are like this, and I understand, she's got a lot of stuff going on in her head, and she wants to deal with that stuff first before she tackles us, and I know I should be doing that to. My big issue with her right now, we live at home with my mother inlaw, and don't get me wrong, I hate it with a passion, but her mother inlaw has been a bit of a help as far as getting stable. Brandy and I have gone through a lot job wise.

My current job has been almost the most consistent I have ever had. And like usual, one of us gets screwed in our jobs. We both had jobs when we got married, and the week that we were gone on our honeymoon, my company decided to move my job from our Canadian head office, to New Jersey. I knew before I got married that there were rumblings of the move, and was reassured that I would have my job for at least another 6months after I got married. Well that wasn't the case. So what a way to end my honeymoon. We managed, and I found a job 4 weeks later. Nice summer holiday and we had our house to ourselves (renting mind you)

Then, Brandy was a store manager at Rogers Wireless, and 6 months after our wedding, the GM of the deal Brandy was working for, decided to not renew the lease at the shop, and let Brandy go.

At this point, my income alone couldn't keep our rent going. So we moved in with my mother inlaw. And this is where the problems are happening.

My mother inlaw has interests for herself, and she's a very stereo typical inlaw, she makes our lives difficult. Bitches about anything and everything.

So one of the biggest things, with having 2 kids in the house, Brandy has gotten really bad at caring for the kids, all she cares about, is dealing with her stuff and dealing with her friends. Which is not fair to my mother inlaw or me. So it's a war for Brandy to be home.

So her and I have become very distant and I have no one in this hell hole of a city as a friend. All my friends live in Toronto (about an hour away) so it makes it hard to do anything myself.

So things that Brandy is asked to do, aren't getting done around the house, and I'm getting bitched at, and turning to Brandy and bitching at her for it.

So this change is going to require a complete 180 from both her and I, and she wants to work things out, so that she can get a job and we can finally move out and start from square one.

So I have a lot of things to change like me being better with the kids (especially Chase, who is very close to being 12, who I don't understand at all, and I need to, so he can go through puburty [sorry I can't spell today]) and also letting Brandy fix things with herself as well, and then her and I can battle our marriage together and strongly so that we can stay married and be happy.

Sorry this is long, but I had to get it off my chest.

Anyways I've had some of you to help me a long the way, and you guys know who you are, and thank you very much.

I spoke to Brandy's friend who she has known Brandy since they were 4 (now both are 30) and her friend told me flat out, Brandy and I have both changed, but I have changed a lot for the worse. So I need all my friends to help me if and when needed.

Thanks guys


Post a comment

Read more from QuIcKsIlV3r »

QuIcKsIlV3r

About Me

QuIcKsIlV3r
Canada
View my profile

My Links

Photos

View more of my photos

Neighborhood

Explore friends, family, friends & family, or entire neighborhood.

View my neighbors

Recent Comments

Archives